duhduh-datingdom

well, my foray into dating ceased today, as i have said countless times before. it's no secret that i have issues when it comes to dating; kids, bad past relationships, traumatic past events, self-esteem issues etc etc. however, i am the kind of person who seems to be introspective enough to identify some of my own disruptive psychological behaviors or tendencies. i tend to be pretty open about them to m partners as well, but it really bothers me when other people don't even recognize or admit to the fact that they too have faulty behaviors. usually when i run across something i find insane about myself, i'm usually the first to think i'm emotionally retarded. occasionally i need the help of others, even though i might not particularly like what results from these discussions. i've always really been able to pick and choose what i try to tell to my friends. i always try not to villify whomever i might be discussing, for this reason and this reason alone, i'm with WWE. much as i think i probably do need some kind of therapy to resolve some of my issues without turning my friends into makeshift therapists, i just don't have the means to go about it right now. i just hate the idea of the 'typecast'. you know, when your therapist goes, "oh yeah, classic case of... fill dysfunction in the blank". that's why i hate listening to psychological radio shows like dr. drew, it's constantly, "what was your realtionship like with your father?" "well, that explains EVERYTHING!" argh, that drives me nuts, as if there is no other facet for how women deal with relationships other than how much their dads hugged them as a child, and let's not forget that every single female out there has had some sexual trauma, even if they don't own up to it. i always find talking to strangers much more liberating anyways.

TVOTR

went and saw tv on the radio last night and it was an overall good show. it sucked that it was at harrah's, which i think they also thought was weird by some of the comments made during the show. by and large though, harrah's offers pretty good sound, but expensive water, $2 for a measly 8oz bottle. many of you who know me know that i really prefer artists to sound live the same as they sound on the album, with the exception of some 'jam' type bands like white stripes and flaming lips. i prefer that because it makes me think that they don't just clean the album all up and sound over produced. recreating album sound is what i find beneficial in a quality live show. but tvotr still delivered even though a lot of the little additions present on the album were missing in the live performance. one of the reasons i like tvotr so much is their lyrical content, and the lyrics were mostly inaudible, which i thought sucked if you don't listen to them much. all in all, good show, but i think it'd be even better in a significantly smaller venue. i'm tired of the standard indie rock "stand still with little head movement" type "dancing" that goes on at these shows, i'm ready for people to get full on into it and start shakin some asses.

if he gets up, we all get up, it'll be anarchy

i haven't much been feeling like posting lately. i just feel as if i have nothing to say. i seem to be working a lot. i seem to be having the same recurrent issues with my dating life. i do, however, seem to be feeling the largest itch to move out of my mom's house. although, how i would afford to live alone beats me. still, i yearn for a place to call my own, where no judgement is passed, i can concoct my own decorating scenarios, i don't have to worry about cleaning up for the housekeeper to come and clean up,(i always find that the most ridiculous request) and i think it's mostly because i realized that i have never lived alone. i did live alone in england for a few months, but that was a bedsit, hardly my own place, and i lived alone during college for one summer after my roomies moved on to bigger brighter things, but still, not my own. now i feel like i really NEED to live alone, yeah sure nos. 1&2 will be there, but they have no say in the decor. it's my newest mission. as soon as i start working full-time.